Rediscovering My Optimism

I’m a pretty positive and optimistic person, but lately my enthusiasm for the things I enjoy has waned. Three weeks ago, I helped my beloved 9-year-old Basset Hound to Rainbow Bridge after an 18 month battle with mast cell cancer. It was a highly aggressive cancer and he should have only been with me for a few months, but with the help of his doctor, oncologist, and his own stubborn determination, he fought hard for longer than anyone expected. As I cared for him and made the long trip to his 4+ hour long oncology appointments, I was grateful for every moment I had with him. As I spent sleepless nights watching over him, I was grateful to see his happy little face every morning. When he told me in no uncertain terms that he was finished fighting, I was grateful I was there to hold him in my arms as he took his last breath.

While I am now grateful that he is pain-free, the feeling of loss is sometimes debilitating. There are days when all I want to do is sleep. It’s a struggle to do even basic things. But with a small child at home, I have to push these feelings aside and focus on what she needs, forcing myself into a normalcy for which I am not quite ready. Such as it is, I don’t think I am allowing myself the opportunity to grieve as I need to, and these things can’t be rushed.

As the storm starts letting up (and it is, very slowly), there are things I can do to help myself get back to a more positive and optimistic place.

1. Be kind to myself. This is so very important. I stop and listen: what is my body, heart, soul, etc. telling me that I need? Rest? I try to find a chance to lay down, even if napping isn’t an option. Peace? I turn off the bad noise and replace it with zen music, nature sounds (real or Spotify-generated), or no sound at all. Creativity? I cook, draw with my daughter, or write (that’s what my soul told me I needed today) The point is that we can’t ignore what our body is telling us. It knows better than our brain does.
2. Mindfulness. Doesn’t it seem like this pops up in so many lists about how to find peace or happiness? I used to roll my eyes every time I read it, but I’ve come to learn its value. When I do yoga, I find mindfulness difficult to achieve. I struggle with shutting off my mind – my to-do list, my worries – but it has become easier with practice. Keep trying. Acknowledge the thought or negative feeling (worry, fear) and return to focusing on what it is your attention should be on. I practice mindfulness when I am doing things like cooking or cleaning. Doing one thing at a time and forcing your mind to do the same is a good way to bring some calm into your day.
3. Finding your faith. For me, Buddhism is my faith. For others, it’s following the teachings of Jesus or Mohammad. I was raised as a Christian, but I was never able to find the grounding and comfort that I was supposed to find in my faith. As an adult, I discovered Buddhism and instantly felt the calm, peace, and optimism that faith is meant to bring. When I need centering, I return to the teachings of Buddha to give me what I need. Find that in whatever faith you practice.
4. Find something to look forward to. This can help pull you out of a funk rather quickly, even if it’s just temporarily. It could be anything, such as learning a new skill, reading a good book, planning a vacation, or sitting alone in the dark eating a batch of chocolate chip cookies. The point is that you are giving yourself the gift of doing something that you enjoy. That anticipation can be pretty darn invigorating!

This is by no means, an exhaustive list, but it is some of the things that have helped me as I work through a very sad time in my life. Just be kind to yourself and find even the smallest way to give yourself what you need.